Pick My Calls

Hey you.

Yes dear, you.

I've been calling your line now for the last 1 hour. I must have tried a hundred times. At first it was not going through. The network claimed responsibility. Later when it started ringing, so did my heart.

I was hoping to hear your voice from the other side, the voice that dopes my head. The soothing voice that calms my nerves.

I was hoping you'll pick and call me by that name only you invented and use exclusively for me. I wanted my heart to smile again.

All the while I waited with my heart close to my mouth, waiting to say 'hey dearie' like I always do.

The first one rang all through. Wasn't picked. I waited for a while more. Twasn't returned too.

I gave several reasons in your defence. I even lied to none other than myself.

Me told myself to get I to try again. At least, I could rest afterwards and claim I've tried. I did. Now with a relaxed mind. I kept whispering to me that your voice was soon going to replace the beeps.

It kept ringing. ringing. ringing. Till it rang out.

To the right, I thought you must be angry with me. I reasoned around it; the last time we spoke, the promises I made all over again, the apologies I made right on the spot. I had sworn to never allow it repeat itself and you replied with a smile.

The authenticity of the smile was confirmed by attempting to trace your neckline. You shuddered like you always do... My thing with you.

To the left, I thought you might be gone. The decision to finally leave me that has always been ringing in your heart loud enough to have been uttered must have suddenly engulfed you so well. The envelope might have restricted your hands from swiping right.

Oh no.

It can't be.

Not now. Not today.

I can't lose you today. This heart can't be broken today again.

The wound has only just begun to heal. I was just beginning to forget the past. The fatality with which you attacked my ailing heart when it mattered. The horror of discovering the lies you were brazenly displaying. The truth you were boldly hiding.

I forgave but the Mark was just beginning to erase in bits.

And now, your strength is finally allowing you go? Go away? From me?

The joy of having you back was just appearing after all the awkward moments of pretending that nothing happened.

Just now that your image in my head was beginning to come clean with your clothes on and your smiles bright.

Just now that my head was just forgetting the finite details of your detailed account of how deep you miss him being with you.

Just now.

Just now that the courage to love you is rising once more like a dodged fighter beaten to the grounds but with the winning determination.

My brain has been on fire.

I can't even think it through anymore.

Furiously, my fingers keep dialing. The phone keeps ringing. You're yet not picking.

I'll keep wondering here. I would be wrong I pray. You'll be alright I hope. My initial excuses would turn out to be correct. And my guesses of you forgetting your phone somewhere will be the truth. And at the end, I'll hear your worried voice saying

"Hello Kabiesi".